In the last blogpost (Self-confidence part 1) I covered how we can appear to be confident, and how self-confidence is actually created (from self-esteem, and self-efficacy). I also covered the first of what I consider the four steps to self confidence, which is taking stock of what you already have in your life.

Now we are moving on to the other three steps to creating  more self-confidence.

Step 2: List what you want to achieve

Set your goals

Think of what you want to achieve, and write a couple down in the form of goals.

Goals ideally are SMART (specific, measured, achievable, realistic and timed). 

An example of this setting the goal “to be able to swim 100 metres after 12 months of swimming lessons”. This is

  • Specific: to be able to swim (not just becoming fitter)
  • Measured: 100 metres
  • Achievable: you have 12 months to do it!
  • Realistic: plenty of people have done this, so it is be realistic. You are not setting a goal to swim around the world (not so realistic!)
  • Timed: in 12 months

Think of circumstances or events that could derail you from your goal, and consider how you can overcome or avoid with them. Doing this in advance will help you to avoid these pitfalls, and if they are unavoidable, pre-planning will help you keep going when and if you meet those circumstances.

After you have done this, put your goals into an order of priority, and think of the first step for your first goal. It doesn’t have to be a big step – choose something that you can do today to start working towards your first goal.

Promise yourself that you will commit to your goal. Make this promise binding. You have promised yourself, and you are worth it!

Step 3: Setting Out

This is where you start moving towards your goal.

Build your knowledge 

Consider the skills that you need to achieve your goals, and if you do not already have these skills, plan how to acquire them. Perhaps you could ask someone to show you how to use a spreadsheet program, or how to monitor your personal spending  (if your goal is to save for a holiday). Perhaps you could take a class at the local adult education college in budgeting. Whatever method you choose, make sure that it is appropriate and will give you the knowledge that you need.

Focus on the basics, moving forward with each goal

Build on each step forward, and reward yourself for each step. It may be a small step, but it is important to reward yourself for improvements just as you would reward or praise someone else. Behave towards yourself just as well as you would behave towards someone else!

Practice positive thinking

You may like to imagine what it will be like when you achieve your goal. Involve as many of your senses and emotions in this as you can. If your goal was to learn how to drive a car and obtain your driving licence, then you could imagine how happy (emotion) you will feel driving home, instead of walking home from the bus stop. You could imagine the warm temperature in the car (touch), the sound of your favourite CD (hearing), the view from the drivers seat (vision), and the pleasant ‘new car aroma’ of the interior (smell). Build this up until you can really sense what you are working towards, and remind yourself of your progress.

Even if you fail initially at a specific step, treat this as a learning opportunity. Perhaps you need to complete that step another way, or perhaps you need to get further information about it.

You may have heard that Thomas Edison stated that all the time that he spent experimenting on how to make a light bulb was not a waste of time – he discovered 1,000 (some state 2,000) ways to NOT make a light bulb. I am sure that you will not have to attempt to reach your goal 2,000 times before you succeed!

Step 4: Accelerating Towards Success

You should have increased your self-confidence considerably using the above steps!

Keep challenging yourself, and (if you wish) make your next steps a bit bigger, and a bit bolder.

Stretch yourself enough, but not too much, and keep growing as a confident person.

Remember to keep using your goal setting skills, and reviewing your experience and your success!

Remember to take time off as well!

If lack of self-confidence is bothering you, please feel free to contact me at Sunset Coast Hypnotherapy on 0403 932311, or email for a free phone consultation.

Hypnotherapy can be especially useful for helping you:-

  • look differently at events in your past
  • practice positive self-talk
  • concentrate on the present (rather than worrying about the past and future)
  • motivate yourself towards your goals.

We can discuss your specific requirements, and there is absolutely no obligation to proceed with hypnotherapy unless you choose to do so.

© Lisa Billingham, 2018

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